What comes out when I try to write fiction

1: “You can’t base a story on a movie that was originally based on a story.”

2: “Unless the original story can be improved upon. Why else would they have made the movie? Think Devil Wears Prada. Awful book, great movie.”

1: “Not an awful book, just poorly written.”

2: “whoa. I think my socks were just knocked off. You’ve read it? And you liked it? That first whoa? Gonna have to repeat it.”

1: “As a pop culture specialist I have to be on top of my chick lit.”

2: “So you’re a pop culture specialist now? I feel like I don’t know you at all.”

1: “Sometimes I like to shop at Enigmas ‘R Us.”

2: “Seriously? Did you seriously just say that? Please please never ever do that again.”

1: “Don’t pretend like you didn’t like it.”

2: “No pretending here love. O, did you hear that? Love! I think she just decided that I’m British! British… I didn’t realize it but I was hoping I would be British. Though Brazilian would have be fun too.”

1: “Naw, Brazil’s too cool to be cool nowadays.”

2: “Yea, you’re right. Funny how a whole nation is suddenly trendy.”

1: “Yea. Remember when it was Jamaica? Whatever happened to that?”

2: “o yea. Hmm, this would be a good time for her to have us discuss afro-spiced Caribbean culture and it’s exoticification throughout the world.”

1: “Don’t get ahead of yourself there. That would move us towards themes of race, politics, globalization and God knows what else. We still don’t know if she’s basing us on a movie or a book or some recycled combination of both.”

2. “True.”

1. “So what do you think? Are we gonna be hackneyed?”

2. “Maybe? I don’t know. I do know that this dialogue’s not strong enough to stand without adjectives. What’s she doing?”

1. “Without adjectives? What do you mean?”

2. “You know the whole, ‘He said with a smirk’ or ‘She said with mock distress’. I don’t think we’re witty enough to do without them.”

1. “Speak for yourself. I for one thrive on stand-alone quotes. Also, as a pop culture specialist you should know that dialogue without adjectives equals hipness. And I’m willing to forgo wit for hipness any day.”

2. “Style over substance, eh? Typical.”

1. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

2. “Nothing, nothing.”

1. “Come on, tell me. I want to know what you were going to say.”

2. “But I don’t think I want to tell you.”

1. “Seriously? I hate it when people do that! Insinuate something about you and then refuse to complete the thought. I thought you were better than that.”

2. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

1. “See? She said with a smirk.”

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough"

Spoken by the inimitable and inspirational Mae West. I love her for the quote above and for the ones that follow.



"All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else."

"Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly."

"Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else."

"Keep a diary and one day it will keep you."

"I believe that it's better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked."

"I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing."

"Look your best - who said love is blind?"

"Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art."